I anxiously awake at an early 10:30 AM this Sunday morning. Excited that it is Sunday but anxious because of my severe inability to relax, especially on the Lord's day. I immediately apply the self pressure to read both papers, listen to NPR, figure out a fabulous, home-cooked breakfast and then jam the day with fun filled events. And I better just drink a whole pot of coffee if I am going to get all of this done!
Ok, well we already know that the coffee probably doesn't help the situation. It is very hard to "relax" and read two Sunday papers when you are hopped up on an entire pot of extra Bold coffee. This is always my very first mistake. This unnatural amount of caffeine coursing through my veins causes my level of focus to be extremely debilitated. I commence with the reading the paper and then getting an exciting idea and switching to the laptop to investigate the prospect able event, craft or interest. This agonizing practice will go on until the papers are read or the caffeine buzz wears off.
All of my exciting ideas that I am researching in the midst of my paper reading are usually ironically enough ways to relax! Meditation classes, yoga classes, recipes etc. Most of which I may try, and they will help the future me but on this Sunday I am still restlessly reading and researching. Obviously nowhere near living in the moment. Which I think is what one would generally be seeking on Sunday. A simple Sunday of living in the moment. Yes.
Still in Your Pj's Loser?
As 1:30 Pm Nears, I realize that I am still in my pajamas, now hungry for lunch, thinking about what I will make for dinner, (scheduled for a relaxing yoga class, a meditation class and have an idea for a book I might like to write) and realizing I have only neared the end of one paper. I have managed to add on to my to do list without ever finishing my "doing Now" list.
Reality Hits:
I take a deep breath and gaze into the kitchen, where Bobby is working hard to refinish the windowsills. He probably has not a thought in his head besides how many inches he has to cut off to make the sill perfect. I look around me at the mess I have made with the laptop, the phone, the many newspaper, the candle I lit to try and enhance my "relaxation", half a craft project that I started while I was sitting here and still in my Pajamas. Really I did no relaxing.
A Sunday Seekers Realization:
I now realize that, with the promise of marriage and children on the horizon, I may never again be able to sleep until 10:30 am so not doing it now would be just plain STUPID. I will never watch Bobby silently rebuild the window sills of our first home because we will never again have a FIRST home. I CAN sit here for 2 hours reading and researching and drinking too much coffee because why the HELL not. I may never again have this much DRIVE to craft and bake so I better enjoy it while it is here. Having a quiet MIND and LIVING in the moment may be a great way to enjoy Sunday but anxiously looking for all of that is how I will spend mine.
Today I am content with being an Anxious SEEKER and i will make another pot of coffee and ENJOY it.
I love this.
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